My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
