If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
