I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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