i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
