so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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