just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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