my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
