wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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