Three words: puerto rican gang bang
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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