So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
