Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
