A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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