I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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