My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
