dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
