my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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