I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize