ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
