There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
