I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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