a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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