so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
