i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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