ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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