Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
