3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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