it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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