There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
