do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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