just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
