I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How's work?
Spinning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
