Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
