Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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