I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
