i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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