I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
