im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
