After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
