dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
