Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize