Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize