ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
