woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
