Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
