we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
