I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
