Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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