i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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