My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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