worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
