doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
