youre lurking in front of me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Holy sore nipples Batman
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
