My first STD was from a foam party
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
