Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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