Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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