franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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