She's JV to your varsity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
