12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
