you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
