I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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