Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
