every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
