the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
