I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
