I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
