If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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