HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
