I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
