I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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