If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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