Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
