If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize