I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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