I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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