New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
