she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
