Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
