All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
