So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
