she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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