I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
