Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize