so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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