Will you blow on my dice?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm really busy with my period
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