I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
