Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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