Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It's Friday. Sex?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
