just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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