i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize