I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
