dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
