You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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