it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
