She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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