are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
