U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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