I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
