shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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