and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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