ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
