No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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